surely there's a better way to write these other than "main divclass header2 paragraph(s)"
anyway yeah i just write stuff here!! makes me feel happy to let others know what im up to.
IM SICK????
THERES LESS THAN A WEEK UNTIL MY BIRTHDAY NOOOO
i forget... comfy is all that matters... with my two..
mmmm. i didnt sleep well this night either but i'll be fine.. i think
theory: im not sleeping well because i cant drain my energy by scrolling things
result: 7:21 AM: im going to scream i woke up at 4 anyway
my mom noticed immediately that my phone wasnt in the kitchen. this is stupid
what do you mean "we're in the pulse" -famous last words
i didnt do anything until the end...
...which was meditation at the end. comfy! except for the fact it was breathing meditation.
the feeling of not breathing for more than a minute is not the most pleasing. but.. also nice to breathe afterwards...
woke up at 4 am
again
something reaaally doesnt want me sleeping and i dont know what
it's very annoying
my brother can follow instructions! he's making soup. i'm the taste tester. he did well! he didnt fail the recipe.
a smiiidge salty but im sure its fine
someone dropped their metal bottle on the floor accidentally and it woke me up instantly 100%
related: someone keeps making this annoying whistle sound that i want to strangle them over
like seriously. shut up. let me focus.
i swear i saw my blog page open on my mom's phone.
in the exact purple. "blog" is all i saw before it was closed. she doesnt have a history, so it seems.
am i actually losing my mind for once?
have i become that paranoid?
are you watching, mother?
i certainly am.
sigh... if only i wasnt as paranoid.HATE. LET ME TELL YOU HOW MUCH I HATE RANDOM WHISTILING IN CLASS.
IT IS THE MOST ANNNOYING SOUND THAT MAKES ME WANT TO STRANGLE THE PERSON WHO DARES.
HAAATE. HAAAAAAATE.
.. ahem.. yeah. i really, really hate that sound.
it breaks my focus entirely.
sigh
NO, i am NOT sinclair shut UP you KNOW who you are
gonna be honest i did not sleep well this night
i slept like.. 30 minutes of my powerfit class away
because it was health today
i dont think i actually fell asleep i was dreaming a bunch of stuff up though
i feel recovered so i count this as a nap. ha. i CAN take naps i just dont fall asleep
my body is arguably weird for that though
...yeah.... uhm anyway its cold these days again. that's all i've got.. i may write down some ideas for something i thought of though
i snored twice in math (both of which were unintentional and woke me up immediately)
yeah uhm... i've been really sleepy.
...oh right, my mom has been giving me "vitamin gummies" at night for the past 5 or so days.
that was melatonin.
atleast TELL me initially holy shit
..anyway im still sleepy that melatonin does not help
i feel out of place there
stuck to the back of the classroom, didnt interact very often
yeah... i have nothing much else to add.
maybe another day when we have the leaders.. this day was just weird.
sitting up at a club in the school. its kinda cozy up here.
its a club for lgbtq+. i feel... somewhere in a comfy zone.
though im not interacting with them really.. still shy.
...it'd be easier to write, in theory.
you ever just wake up and the first thought you have is a dreadful one
yeah that
i woke up and suddenly felt like i should just.. go and lose weight or somethin
i've been trying but i just.. hmm.
we're jumping mimi with affection because its funny
yeah thats kind of it i didnt do much else yet today
i got my long pillow back! hugged it & slept way easier
mmm... its so nice.
feeling tired cause im bored and because im still at school i cant do much.
aka, the usual
hey atleast its friday
as much as i hate my mom at times, i love her too. unconditional love isn't breakable.
..i.. still miss talking to them 100% of the time but i do feel a bit better being out of the loop of.. hm.
i do miss hugs even if imaginary
...oh well.
i'll adapt..
you know its bad when school feels like less of a prison than home.
my orders are to stop contact with those two i oh-so very much love entirely
..whats wrong? we're 3 16yo being silly and lovely. i was genuinely happy.
yet my mom... seems to prioritize my safety over.. happiness..
my mom was behind my internet problems at home this entire time. i wasn't supposted to even be able to connect.
but i did.
she's been spying on me for the past week. and maybe more.
my trust is in shambles.
it. hurts.
do you know how much pain i felt to know my trust was being broken behind my back for so, so long?
i'm still a shell of myself at this given moment, moreso due to this. i hate it. i hate it. i hate it. i hate it. i
..
i must stay alive. in hopes of this being broken.
to be.. free.
it was surprisingly not that tough.. yay!
also i've taken notice of my 2 (two) followers. to them, i say hi!
very interesting sites you two have. which on that note..
alot of the sites i see on neocities feel like feverdreams... pretty neat!
as per usual
got all sleepy in math couldnt bother to do anything
i can become happy from the most small things
such as
speaking of... i am a little tired right now..
mmmh... but i did just sleep 30 minutes of the health class. i should focus.
...hmm..
....oh yeah on another note there isnt any internet at home. its sad.
i feel more cold towards others as of recent. likely as a result of not feeling like i can trust my mom anymore.
i want to..
...where do i want to be?
--------------------------------
....it's been a quiet day so far. i miss the conversations.
i'm.. tired. i want to talk to them, want to love them.
i wont even be able to send voice messages at any given time to them... except when i'm out alone.
....i..
i wanna be CLOSER TO THEMMM WAAAA
my mom.. figured it out.
somehow, she figured out im in this poly relationship with those two.
and she wants me to cut both of them off out of fear of me being hurt.
they have not broken my heart in any way; my MOM has, and in that has failed.
it hurts.
it brings some mental hurt.
..alot of it.
i'll.. be fine. i'll.. just have to be more secretive.
i will continue to love them both.
my mom took me out today to learn how to drive, of course at an empty parking lot.
turns out, i'm a natural! learnt it fast.
..which is good because if i wasnt i would not be mentioning it.
..anyway, i'm loving my two girls still. flustering one of em a bunch with the other, ehehe~
being silly is a passion.
last night was.. uhm... yeah im not telling you
actively fasting... feeling.. agonzied
i love them both!! one's very kissable the other kisses alot and i'm somewhere between
i cant tell if im really easy or not to fluster!! oh well.
but i do know i havent made any form of sound other than just.. maybe whining? i think?
hmm.. maybe i am just the silly one.
it is rare to get me to blush.. but..
...aghhhhh i AMM awaaaaaaaaaa
...so turns out i accidentally didnt close with /div and.. yeah. whoops
last night was awesome! played vrchat with my girlfriendss awaaaaaaa
...infact, we actually played alot! i got to know the other one a bunch more, so thats fun!
mm, this is so wonderful, but i can't just spill everything~ i'll leave it to the mind~
so i slept in a bunch, and since daylight savings kicked in again, the entirety of 2:00 was skipped... so i slept one less than expected!
got all comfy in bed. which also.. first love also loves another person, so as a result..
..we discussd being poly and oh my GOD it worked out so fast im so happyy now i have TWO girls to love
kisses! kisses for both of them!! awaaaaaa
..thats all for this one~
i WILL get you back for escaping with the last kiss!! damn you!!!!
still loving em'.we played vrchat for like, 2-3 hours? it was awesome. i was right, i drank more than 3x my bottle. super hydrated!
...which is good for me because now i'm fasting today. no food and water until like 6:20 PM. awaaa
so turns out the quiz wasnt that bad
..i think i aced it. yay!
next up.. march break! and a vrchat game night~
calling it right now, we'll end up going to spin the bottle and i'll end up drinking my bottle atleast 3 times over. (~2.1 liters in total)
on another note... i feel like drawing. maybe i'll start a comic.. like nomnomnami did. because i'm..
which is kind of a rarity for me, especially when its drawing related.
listening to: I Am a Fluff by milia happy morning, and a miserable first two periods, and a comfy cafeteria. my emotions are rather wack today.
i wish to rest before my poor mental state.. mm, doesn't appreciate the force of work.
oh well.
me when everyone stares at me because i accidentally slammed the gravitron down cause i slipped
aaaaaaaaaaa that was SO embarassing
...anyway i slept feeling comfortable atleast so yay
yyeah
never tell me to study.
my math quiz came back... 7.5/20.
top of the page? "be sure to complete all practice questions & check your answers."
...I did that. I did all of that. I study every weekday without a choice. What do you THINK i do.
I- I genuinely cannot deal with this. Math already makes me annoyed as is, especially when it doesnt make any sense.
And with HIM on my back about this stuff..
..maybe its time to take a break to myself when i get home for once instead of slaving away at my studies again.
i went during my lunch break ALL the way to giant tiger and back.
i've never been to one of their stores, so it was very pleasant to see their employees are super duper kind.
currently eating my lunch in my computer science class. i bought a big ol snack.. and a bit more.
...see, i've been yearning to get a bra or somethin. just to attach myself a bit more to my female side.
..SUPER embarassed about it, but hey.. worth it.
now i have to figure out how to hide it from my parents. i'll survive, maybe
surely, surely i will pass my math quiz
of which is in 5 minutes (now 4 at the time of writing this)
...love later, work now.. aaaaa
..it rained today, that's nice.
i think loving her is affecting how i think actively because like.. i can't think properly sometimes!
is this what love feels like? is that normal?
oh well~
i have plans tomorrow to get myself a lil something. world ending event :)
joking, of course~oh yeah heres a piece of art i have laying around 
-..as in im writing this during music.
i wonder when i should mention a name of the person.. ehe.
..on such a topic, this here song has been stuck in my head for the past bit, "loving you from a distance".
you can imagine why
wow, time flies! only almost a month until my birthday.
had a blast yesterday though! hung out with a friend, ate pizza (i already ate breakfast that day, not remembering) and other stuff.
and then later, the one i mentioned last time, ooo we DO like eachother~
..we also played vrchat for like 2 hours. we played spin the bottle, but only with water as the drink. i ended up drinking my bottle 4 times that night (the most amount of water i've drank EVER. 24 oz bottle btw)
..so cute, though.. worth it. and also i choked like once whoopsies..man, i'm hungry. alas, this burning sensation must wait 8 more hours. then we may feed our hunger...
is this how the bloodfiends felt
summary of last night AND current events. awaa
running on 3 hours of sleep but its fine cause i magically can stay up anyway. my body is weird
last night was silly~ nothing too much but all flustery with the group
am i being too personal? mm, its a blog. i'd feel like most might not even know who im referring to.
..current events though, my chest is sore as hell from yesterday and my legs are inevitably suffering this time around.
and math is.. 5.. questions? my studies are SO free oh my GOD
to one of the particular two: love you~ hehe
get flustered, goober..i think that's about it for this blog. other than limbus company mirror dungeon floor 10. clashes be damned
no i dont think we're in any relationship- unless? awaa...my arms are still shaking from powerfit today
...i also feel pretty tired and extra sleepy as a result. though, that may have been from staying up a bit. a "bit", i was up at 2 am.
...on another note, surely there's a better way to do these.
what do you MEAN the base enemy health can reach 1000
...also.. continued sillies,,, awaaa
..honestly i dont have that much to write other than my arms feel extremely heavy from powerfit.
...why.. do i have to keep doing math...
this is the third time today.. any more and i might blow up
...on a positive note.. she responded! 3 hours ago. dammit.
and my silly group (which, hihi if you're reading this (you know who you are)), still silly as always...
...i was going to end this one here but my mom just barged in to tell me studying is after she goes and smokes.
this better not take too long.
so today's a blended learning day!!! aka, i get to stay at home and do minimal work.
in a nutshell: i studied for a bunch of time to be rid of my studies early. my math work is easy!
...my friends are also being real silly with me in the meantime (to cure my boredom.. and also cause it's funny)
messaged my crush cause i can. hopefully she responds soon...
..i also have spicy chips. really comfy here~
i fell asleep in math almost but didnt
i pretty much like.. phase in and out of being awake for a few like 10 minutes.
....buuut i do get back all my energy right after! it's like i'm in "low battery mode" if i had to describe it.
hopefully this doesnt keep happening...
i'll.. research what my problem is
powerfit SUCKS why did i take it
oh right. my dad said so pretty much
anyway uhhh, i've been getting a bit smug to the friends (you know who you are no hard feelings right)
poor gibber having to read through all my stuff. i have much more still to be known about me :)
ok, thats sort of a jokeon another note... yesterday was kind of a blast (of me getting blown up by two different creeper types)
modpacks are very silly.
so i guess i just... write?
i guess that'd make sense... probably. yippee either way.
while im writing this, im installing a modpack for minecraft! to play with my friends of course.
previously, i was playing voxlblade having fun with that. build with mid dps? mmmhm, fun to me.